I can't sleep. But I am so determined to because I really don't want to go back to that numbing insomnia.
- I just need to point out here that the only thing that stays on my mind twenty four hours a day and seven days a week is my NEED for the Red Hot Chili Peppers tattoo. I am so so so so so determined to get the star (or 'Angel's anus' as Anthony would call it) on my right wrist, just like Ant and John have (I stress I didn't know this until a couple of days ago). But yeah. I want it.

I hear that when you die your brain gets flooded with fuck loads of endorphins. Just imagine that. In that final split second, to be so overwhelmingly alive.
Sigur Ros are just so beautiful, and even though I never have any idea what Jonsi is singing, the barrier of language doesn't mean that I can't interpret the sheer emotion in the music. It's truly amazing.

I want it to be Winter because then I can listen to Radiohead again. I can't listen to them now because it's too polar.

I don't want to start college with other people surrounding me but I do want to start college. I want to get a job and save money and travel around parts of the world in a gap year.
But that's if by God's hand the dark and the cold doesn't get me first. Because you never know, it may.
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I run these obsessions like lunar cycle clockwork.

I'm currently at the stage of the radiohead obsession of being annoyed at others who act like I did. It's really bad, isn't it? They just don't interest me at the moment. I think it's because I'm constantly so irritable and hyper active and unfortunately radiohead don't exactly accomidate to that behaviour. This is where the red hot chili peppers come in. There just so wild and insane and untamed and I absolutely fucking love it. I always have done. If there was a band that I would say best suited my personality and behaviour it would probably be RHCP. Although hang on a minute.. That just makes me sound like a heroin addict and sex freak... What I mean is that you'll find the chili's create a really positive atmosphere and are just full out crazy constantly and are weird and wonderful and I guess you could say the same about radiohead but not to the same extent.
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i obsess over things hard

the more i think about my past, present and perhaps even future obsessions the more i come to realise just how absolutely infatuated i become with things

i've slept for around 10 hours in the last five days so as you can imagine trying to focus on this screen is basically impossible

i'm beginning to hallucinate and not be able to stand straight

it's all kind of fun really

the most significant thing to arise over the past week is the fact that i have listened to the red hot chili peppers more in these last seven days than i have listened to radiohead in the last two months............................................ and i listen to radiohead a lot...................

it's like yeah, seeing RHCP in november is going to have more of a personal significance and impact on me than seeing radiohead ever would. this because i've been listening to radiohead since i can remember and they were the first band i ever truly 'obsessed' over. i can remember when VIRGIN RECORDS still existed and was in town where the republic in culver square now is and it must of been my 9th or 10th birthday and i bought a rhcp poster, a rhcp shirt, blood sugar sex magik and the anthony kiedis autobiography. i was weeeeeeeeeeeeell happy.

time for bertie botts beans, a nap, no food first then a nap and then sims.

One song that will make me cry uncontrollably whenever I hear it; HALO.

I miss those days where I locked myself in my room and listened to Radiohead for 12 hours before thinking of jumping from a great height. I hate.. This.. Normal life. It's so much harder. The easy option is always to admit defeat opposed to fighting. I know that. But I don't wanna play the broken hearted girl.

I can't believe I can listen to beyonce ballads seriously, but they're just so beautiful.

Someone on tumblr just told me that they're in love with me. There's no right way to respond to that really. Because logically, it's probably annoying chain mail, the person doesn't actually know you in reality and the chances are it's just one big fat joke. But then again...... What if it's EXACTLY who I want it to be. Even if they do live on the other side of the pond and listen to the smiths maybe just a bit too much for my liking... I can already plan our lives together, pa!

Do you even know how incapable I am of crying or not even just that, feeling? URGH! Euphoria, yes. Grief and sadness, never. Odd.

Like the coward I am, I hang my head.

The moon sure is bright tonight.

All these things I can't describe, you would rather I didn't try.

I always leave this too late, where things just start to disappear from my mind.

OK I'll just listen to Massive Attack and quietly contemplate killing people.

You think I'm joking but I'm really not. Goodnight.
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Just talk about anything but... That.

I need two hundred and fifteen pounds for the Willy Wonka Prada sunglasses.
Thom Yorke's legs are sending me insane.
There's a Jaydiohead mix with Beyonce on it; beyonce + radiohead = love.
Love can also be found in the form of fluff.
The party the other night was really good. I was with the popular people and it was strange. However, the highlight was undoubtedly coming home and listening to Kid A through my Skull Candy's at full blast, all in the process of being extremely high. Thom's voice literally soared through my soul. It was literally like there were two colours in my head.
Did you know that I love Radiohead? In fact, the only reason I'm going to this Art exhibition at school is so that I can ramble about them for two hours, with good reason because they were the influence behind my entire content of year 11 work (pretty much). Be right back, listening to The Bends.
I miss my Laura and I'm very sad that chribbie's leaving on Sunday. Nothing's going right anymore, NOTHING. I NEED to see Laura because she gets everything I'm going through to a tee and we just click perfectly, like a jigsaw falling into place, it gives me a change of Colchester life and someone who understands the concept of Radiohead fanning or just yeah, everything.
I'm upset that basically the only friend closer to home that I've talked to about things and has helped no end has got to leave on Sunday. Right before Monday, which is the day that I could really do with seeing her.
Wah. Why can't you forget? Said the walrus.
I don't want to go to college. Unless I can do English literature the entire time or talk about Romanticisim in Art History or be with Lottie in Art. Apart from that I'm not looking forward to it. I'm going to get eaten in History and Politics (why did I take politics?) And yeah, everyone was as I had expected and I didn't meet anyone who is infatuated with Radiohead or wishes thom to lay beside them as much as me. Disappointment. That's my rule for making friends. I'm only to have friends who have at the very least heard of Radiohead past the Creep level. If they are unaware of their existence then I am unaware of theirs.
I wish that something would happen.
I hate having nails.
I think Monday is going to drive me over the edge, even if that doesn't become evident during the day.
I wanna be part of the human race.
Ginger thom. Bed. Where are you now?
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry.
Meeting people is easy. That's my mood entirely. Dire dire dire. Hopeless hopeless hopeless. Time wasting.
I want to paint. Bye.
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Well prom was fun. Prom was really really really fun.

The only good bit was the drunken conversation with Mr McKenzie and dancing to Single Ladies with him. I love Mr McKenzie. He's the only thing I'm going to miss about that place and he knows it.

But yeah, apart from that, then everything else about prom and the after prom party etc was a bit of a let down/disaster.

All I know now is that I'm in the mood to cry for hours and listen to Radiohead, maybe watch the first part of The Deathly Hallows and drink a lot of tea.

The worst part of it all is that I have my college induction day tomorrow. Not to mention the fact that this whole Granny thing seems to be taking a turn for the worse plus the fact that everything else is just fucked.
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So while I have been away in Devon it came to my attention that Radiohead had released a video of a never before heard song - Staircase, filmed during the From The Basement sessions.

Now, what can I really say about it? I have no real credibility against my name so stop reading here if you think my opinion is irrelevant or whatever, because the truth is, you're right.

Yet still, I feel that what I have to say needs to be said.

Staircase, in my eyes, drips in desperation. I'm sorry but apart from the familiar sounding oo's toward the end I really just wanted to stangle thom, those lyrics and just that entire melody seemed so unnatural and forced. I loved Jonny's guitar part that comes in half way through the track but again, it's something which I've heard so many times before.

For a band that have constantly seemed to be striving towards something re-defining and different this really seemed like a step backwards.

The entire song sounds like a second rate version of Harrowdown Hill. It reeks of solo thom and his atoms for peace project. It doesn't sound or moreover feel like Radiohead anymore.

I'm surprisingly disappointed with the track (as you may of gleened) it's like a Hail To The Thief B side or something but hey, at least Radiohead were intelligent enough to release those songs belonged on a special edition extra commodity. Unlike this song, which I feel is a waste of valuable From The Basement air time and has a lot of work to be done on it before it reaches its potential.

Understand my relationship with Radiohead and appreciate my willingness to not be blinded by their awesomeness in all aspects. Like anything else, I only give credit where credit's due, and in this case, I don't see much of a pat on the back for these guys.

Sorry. Better luck next time.
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It's getting lighter.

I keep having really really really really really strange dreams about Radiohead, or at least that are in some way connected to them.
it's like I'm living my own version of Meeting People Is Easy.. But in my dreams.. They're kind of fucked up and confusing to be honest.

Yesterday was my final GCSE exam! (Wow is it really only yesterday? Seems far longer than that but then again I guess that's what you get for not sleeping). I think it actually went really well, I'm not too sure though, I'm worried that because I found it so easy I might of missed the jist of the questions completely. However, like my teacher said, if a question is 9 marks, you don't get the marks for stating 9 facts, that's not how it works.
It hasn't really hit me yet that I've left school and exams are all over. I think it will be more apparent after tomorrow once I've finished of my business studies and then even more so after prom.

Birds singing, bells ringing.

Yesterday I and a few of the peeps celebrated the end of exams i.e. we all got extremely pissed round mine, had a little party and didn't sleep all night. It was surprisingly epic actually. There's definitely however a few cringe worthy moments right there though which I wish I could just erase from my mind..

Moving swiftly on, I've come to the conclusion that I am nocturnal. I wouldn't necessarily say I suffer from insomnia, however true that may be. I just find it impossible to sleep at night, whereas during the day..... Especially now with it being the summer and me not having anything to do, I think that I'm going to find it mighty difficult not to live my life as the resident owl.
The significance of this? I'm not too sure.

I end with the fact that earlier I was weeping with happiness because I love Disney so much and cannot wait to go back in July.
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this is literally the story of my life currently:

I covered There There to celebrate HTTT's eighth birthday

easily one of my favourite Radiohead albums, if not thee favourite.


I just hope I haven't really badly ruined it for anyone..

happy birthday bobby d

my newspaper album came today, it's beautiful but is slightly poignant as due to its arrival i haven't been able to concentrate on revision for the two exams i have this week, one of them being tomorrow morning..

radiohead lsd must be the best lsd in the world

not that stanley designed them for lsd purposes or anything

~my english literature exam didn't go magnificently badly but it wasn't magnificent either. just sort of ok computer. time will tell whether i wrote the right things down or not. whatever, now i can start reading again (i'm really funny about reading a book whilst studying one because it confuses me and my short attention span and i always muddle parts of and lose focus on the book that i actually need to be reading)

speaking of lsd, i read somewhere that bob dylan has outted his heroin addiction or something. and on nme the headline was 'happy birthday bob dylan, what present shall we get him? not heroin'

but now now now now NOW

it's white stripes night

i'm actually going to revise because i'm not giving up that A in chemistry without a fight

All I listen to is Icelandic music or Lady GaGa these days.

According to my Last.FM account I've listened to Lady GaGa more times than Radiohead this week.

Well if you feel like revitalising your music library, then may I suggest that you check out this website now. Because it's all about Icelandic bands who aren't Sigur Ros. It's brilliant.

~It's really tempting to buy all of the Radiohead LP's from HMV or somewhere of the sort online because I can't find them anywhere else that's significantly cheaper and I hate bidding on eBay because I always lose. The only thing that's stopping me is that I have a thing about reissues. I love to have the original dated ones from when they were first released but to get one of them usually costs double the amount.

Ponder this away like Amelia Pond.

Once again I'm in trouble with my only friend, I was so determined to come home today and do some English Literature Revision and maybe even possibly a bit of Chemistry too. But I am always so tired and lathargic these days, I never have any energy at all to do anything. My brain explodes otherwise. I can't even really do it tomorrow because Amee is apparently coming round at some point, but well, we'll see about that one. I'd like to try to do a past paper for English Literature by Monday so I can hand it in to my teacher and see what she thinks of it. It's a slightly ambitious task, I know, but I don't even know what an English Literature paper looks like, so I think it would probably be a good idea if I did that to be honest.

I totally just dragged all of these pictures of Radiohead (thOm and Jon Jon mostly) onto my dashboard. There's got to be over 200 there there. I've never seen any of them before and some of them are absolutely stunning. I'll post them on tumblr at some point when I can be bothered.

Just think Rachel, after this week only Maths and History to worry about. Then after that there's a week of solitude company in Devon and two weeks of absolute childish mayhem in Florida.

For now have GaGa:

I have no idea where this was taken and what for but I think it's simply divine.

How I'm feeling today expressed through the lyrics of Palo Alto

In a city of the future
It is difficult to concentrate
Meet the boss, meet the wife
Everybody's happy
Everyone is made for life

In a city of the future
It is difficult to find a space
I'm too busy to see you
You're too busy to wait

But I'm okay, how are you?
Thanks for asking, thanks for asking
But I'm okay, how are you?
I hope you're okay too

Everyone one of those days
When the sky's California blue
With a beautiful bombshell
I throw myself into my work
I'm too lazy, I've been kidding myself for so long

I'm okay, how are you?
Thanks for asking, thanks for asking
But I'm okay, how are you?
I hope you're okay too

meeting in the aisle

when someone asks you whether thOm yorke is touching himself in the picture of you and him standing next to each other...

i don't know whether to be deeply disgusted or slightly.. flattered

my money's on the latter, whatever that means anyway

i should really start painting my room but i already feel like i've failed at it

i mean looking at the stanley donwood art work in immense detail just makes me question why i'm even bothering

on the 2+2=5 side though, because a lot of it just looks like simple mark making, i don't think it's going to matter too much if i don't paint it to the latter and make it look EXACT. i mean it'll hopefully look close enough, but it's difficult to scale it completely to my climbing up the walls.

i really do want it to work, i think it would be friggin' awethOme if it worked

it's just patience has never been a virtue of mine, so it's difficult to see it through

i suppose i'm far more of an in rainbows painter than the eraser painter i.e abstract/it's too much too bright too powerful colours

oh and in case you haven't already noticed, i bold any radiohead lyrics/song titles because it highlights how they are always on my mind

blackberry's have really shit battery. i bet a strawberry has better battery.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my desktop is looking well good man

i love mr yorke in a blue hoodie.

i just love scotch mist in general, it's fucking GOOD man

so i guess we can say it's offically the last week of school, yes?

it's irrelevant because i'm not going in

well for the most part anyway

i reckoner i'll go in for the weird fishes/arpeggi assembly but that's probably about it

i'm really scared that i'll skip divided my exams. at this point i just really don't get the point in showing up for them. there's loads of reasons for it obviously, there has to be, but i just don't think it's worth it.

i

don't want to do my exams

and

i definitely don't want to go to college

and i almost certainly

don't want to be here anymore

the only reason i haven't exploded at the moment is because i'm on my own and i haven't spoken to anyone for about 2 days irl, or since i saw laura.

fuck my life, i have to go to a gig tomorrow

and words cannot describe how much i don't want to go

i'm going to feel shit the entire time because all i'll be thinking about you is the fact that i've sacrificed my feelings to not hurt other peoples once again and everyone else is obviously more important than me.

plus if there's some stupid idioteque in the crowd it'll probably result in a punch up at a wedding or something

arghaghrghrghgrhgrhgrhaghaghgaargh

i'm so fed up of being on my own

because everything's just numb

and i know that if i had contact with a real life person i'd just breakdown completely as soon as i mentioned anything about anything

so it's like at the moment, it's just all inside my head, patiently waiting for an oppurtunity to run wildly out of control and lash out

~

i painted one wall white

and the black strip is done

and i pencilled out the 'keep calm and listen to radiohead'

but now i need to find a stencil of the bear for the top of the strip

apart from that though i don't even know where to begin doing the stanley artwork

it's so intricate and i am so not

luckily a lot of it is just wavy lines, so that shouldn't be too difficult to do....

i leave you with this vegetable for thought

when i go to the big chill festival this year on the saturday, if thOm doesn't do a surprise set i'm going to go fucking ape shit and shut that place down

in true kanye west style which is ironic considering i only got tickets for him

this was before i realised that burial and four tet were there... which almost definitely means that thOm will be there, right?!?!?!??!?!?!?!??!!!

here's a picture of thOm at the big chill last year

he's wearing the same jacket as when i met him

the same shirt as haiti

and that hat as lotus flower

thOm likes recycling things

Today has been such a WAH day

I woke up only to find that once again thOm had played a DJ set at Low End Theory.. AGAIN.

please no one judge me for wanting to be the table that he's thrusting at two minutes and fifty one seconds into this video....

my love/lust for this man has no bounds

speaking of which

EVERYONE IS HATING ON HIS HAIR

his lovely

greasy

long

hair

I'm probably one of the few who doesn't mind the hobo look. But that's because I met him as a hobo, so

I started decorating my room today.

I'm doing The Eraser artwork all around my room

and then this on the middle wall where the fireplace would've been:

except bears on the top and bordering it

I can't believe how slow I am at the whole painting thing though. My dad is painting the kitchen this lovely bright orange and he's already done an entire base coat, and I have just done one strip in the same amount of time! Half of which was already done beforehand!

Also, I won't be seeing Georgia on Saturday which SUCKS and it looks like I won't be in AS MUCH contact with her for the next couple of days. This sucks even more, our Thonniness is what gets me through these dire days and if you take away that then you're killing thOm. But we'll get round it, afufufufufufufa

I leave you for now with two very special dancing GIFs for two very different reasons

Share your light

I'm watching Scotch Mist for the third time in a row.

It's the best thing ever and I love it lots.

I also think I might buy a blue hoodie in honour of it tomorrow.

Anyway, having a kind soul on tumblr make this GIF for me (taken from Scotch Mist) has completed my evening. So I'm going to leave the computer now (although expect a long text post rambling about a load of crap, otherwise known as how I'm really feeling soon)

.............. I still can't get over all of the different facial expressions and head movements thOm pulls during this video.

OK Computer definitely going now, g'night! x

The Newspaper Album

Oh my fucking God, look how orgasmic perfect this picture is. I just ahhhhhhhh...... HURRY UP JUNE I WANT IT NOW!

Why so greedy, and lonely?

.......

this is probably one the best GIF's I have ever seen in my life, I think it's because I can picture it being on TV and the context and everything and OMG what am I saying I don't know all I do know is that i am completely in love with john simm and omg Isn't he just aboslutely perfect? Sweet holy mother of earth, I need to watch life on mars. now. before i explode. OR THE SERIES 3 DOCTOR WHO FINALE?????? NO. life on mars where he's chained to a bed naked, definitely.

i'm a fan girl. you'll get over this.

my heart's still pumping

i find it completely monstrous that they have never done a studio recording of this song. it is perfect in every way, and makes me feel completely worthless.

oh, i'm seeing kanye west at the big chill festival in august. i feel ashamed to say that i am really rather excited. i think i'm more nervous than anything though because of the following: thOm yorke did a collaboration with burial & four tet, and on the day before i go burial are playing and on the day after i go four tet are playing. everyone is certain that thOm is going to make an appearance on one of the days, plus with the fact that he played there last year, it seems like a given. i wish i got a full weekend ticket to increase my chances of seeing him now. this being said, there's the very small possibility that he might turn up to all three days, and he'll do a surprise set on the day i'm there, in which case i will lose my space in the field for kanye for a twenty minute thOm set. because he's worth it.

i really do feel like i am due a harry potter marathon. that is why i am going to get a glass of milk and watch harry potter, because sleep is for the dead.

ok, so the next thing i'm going to say feels highly insensitive compared to the last thing i just said. but i would just like to take this moment to think of elisabeth sladen, or sarah jane smith for all of you whovians. an absolutely smashing lass, who always ran with a spring in her step and played host as my favourite doctor companion of all time. our thoughts are with you, and may you rest in peace up in hyper space you beautiful, beautiful lady.

this plaster has just overflowed with blood, it's now seeping all around the edges in pretty patterns. time to go and rebandage i think.

wahh

wahh

wahh

talk show host

click on this and up will pop an annotated screenshot of my desktop.

this is what it looks like generally on a daily basis. the pictures are only the pictures i've found within one session of looking through a picture thread though, there's probably around 100 times that amount actually saved on my computer.

that's all for now, bye