The matter of the subject is as follows

I try not to really think about anything.
So I just listen to lots of Beck, watch some Pretty Little Liars and post obscene amounts of thom on tumblr. It really is the best way.

I'm kind of reading the first of the discworld books, that being 'The Colour of Magic'. I mean I knew that it was going to be weird and wonderful.. But seriously? It is just so completely obscure and random. Trying to make any sense out of it is near impossible. I think the best thing would be to get ridiculously high of a spliff or two and THEN try and read it. No doubt it would make much more sense then.

I'm finding it near impossible to pick up the guitar and write. That's another thing. I've lost interest in it (at the moment). I'm finding it so difficult to focus my ideas and inspiration into four minutes of acoustic poetry. AH! It's so frustrating.

What else is? The fact that I am who I am, and you are who you are. And of all the people in the world, I will never betray you... Oh no wait, that's just a quote from Luther.. Focus on real things Rachel. But Luther IS real, Rachel! That was almost definitely a man with a camera phone taking pictures of the living room when The Apprentice was on. And in Wickford, that man in the scarf and sunglasses was almost definitely going to enter the car and molest you after he turned round in his tracks and approached you had you not been wise enough to run away.

Wow. I am so paranoid. I'm constantly analysing every inch and second of everything because I'm almost certain that something cynical and disturbing lies in the shadows, awaiting an opportunity to pounce as soon as I blinker just for one second.

How does American TV work?

I can't wait to meet Eileen on Saturday and I cannot wait to hopefully meet Lucy on the 20th with Georgia (possibly) and then hopefully I'll see Laura soon. I love my tumblr thomblrs. No one understands their importance. Oh and then there's seeing Harry Potter and going to Nando's with all of the dance girls on Sunday. I haven't seen them in so long. I saw Lottie on induction day would you believe! And I saw Amerz at the.. funeral. So it'll be nice to see them all under more sociable circumstances. Happy happy happy

I'm happy, hope you're happy too.
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange

and this is a dirty song called skip divided...

no, it won't let me embed it so let's just post a dirty picture instead.

now we could either go for this option

or this one

or this one

i don't mind which one, they're all poifect

sexualising all things yorke is a far better way of spending my thinking time right now opposed to what i should be thinking about. that stuff's boring and monotonous and more boring and doesn't make me feel better, at all. whereas obviously dancing, shirtless, sweaty, head swaying, red jeans, head band yorke does.

....... steadily moving on

wow my belly hurts, probably because i haven't eaten for like, a day. which for me is torturous.

there's a doughnut sat right next to me but it doesn't appeal to me at all because the last doughnut i had was disgusting (which is surprising considering it was from waitrose). no, i think i'll go downstairs and make myself a pot noodle or something, god i hate those things. actually no, i'll think i'll have some cheese, which apparently gives you nightmares when you have it before you go to sleep but my nightmares can't get much worse at the moment so /

i have to finish my song for tomorrow cos i've got my singing lesson and i actually need to have something to show/play. i love my singing lessons more than anything because the lessons give me a deadline/goal/target of when i need to finish songs. it gives me the structure for songwriting that without the lessons, would be a complete free fall. i'm very much like thOm in the sense that we're both really bad at finish things and we rely on other people to finish them for us or make us finish them. i don't even know why i call them singing lessons though, i mean i go with my guitar and play her my song, but apparently my guitar playing is good enough to be ignored and doesn't need fiddling around with. it's just i have difficulty with pronouncing certain words/letters and also with my breathing, by which i mean i don't do it, i think i can go i whole minute without stopping for air. you don't realise the bad habits you have until you hear yourself back on record, it really opens your ears/eyes.

sherlock holmes died on this day 120 years ago (if my maths serves me correctly, which it probably doesn't because i haven't done maths for about three months). well i say died, he didn't actually die, he supposedly fell of the cliff bringing down his arch enemy professor moriarty with him. the professor was the one who fell, holmes just slipped a bit and climbed back up the cliff edge and hid under a rock. so now i'm going to go and watch this very episode - it is rather amazing, and go to sleep

night

no one understands how good my dream was last night..

i remember some fat bloke coming to look at our house and i convinced him to buy it because our garden was beautifully landscaped and had a posh fountain in the centre of it. and then i remember thOm driving a car to some arena type place and me and him just being nothing less than awkward the entire time. then i remember going on the waltzers with him at clacton and he started screaming like a little girl with his head band on. then i remember going on stage to perform one of my songs (50 sheets) with jonny just milling across the stage tuning his radio and then as i looked over thOm was playing his guitar overlooking the side of the stage and started singing with me.. he told me stop and he started playing my song on his own and made it sound infintely better. then i woke from complete amazement. partly because i couldn't believe i was singing with thOm yorke and partly because i really wanted to remember what thOm had done to make my song sound so much better...

i spent the most part of today jamming with the lovely georgia. i think so far our best bet was a cover of 'you' and hopefully '15 step' at some point. twas exciting stuff though.

i'm so full on chinese food. the thought of chinese food makes me feel incredibly sick actually.

HOW I WOULD KILL FOR A BOTTLE OF WINE RIGHT NOW.

hold your horses rachel, you're not a wino.

gossip girl is back from its break then i see! i do love gossip girl. um, what else? ah yes, there is an easter egg sat next to me. i am quite tempted to eat it.

but hey look, it's me. if it actually freakin' loads. see if you can guess which famous serial killer it's based on? apart from that though know that this is the first song i wrote back when i was 14 and i recorded it yesterday. that is all.

sometimes it embeds properely, other times it doesn't

migrainemusic by Who Is Rachel Lee?