Confronting difficult feelings

I literally do not miss one thing about you. Not one. I don't even say it as a way of making me feel better within myself or trying to convince myself of anything, I GENUINELY could not care less about you. About the time we spent together and all of that jazz. The only thing I feel is embarrassment and regret and to be perfectly frank, you make my skin crawl. I mean any time someone mentions your name or there's a split second of reminiscence, I literally go cold and cringe massively. You may say that it's a phase and that I'm fickle and that I'm lying to myself and that I'm not being honest and you're right, I'm NOT being honest, because honestly speaking now, I never loved you. Never. 'You don't know what love is you just do as your told'. I just said it back because I couldn't bare to look someone in the face and say anything different but the truth is, I felt nothing. Literally nothing when you said it to me and I'd say it to you. It felt completely forced and unnatural and uncomfortable.
I hope you find someone as monotonous and relentlessly dull as you and you are happy together forever, living your completely stolid, yet probably quaint but nonetheless repetitive and uninteresting lives. I really do hope that. Because there's no possible way for anyone else to be with you.

They say that opposites attract but I'm here to tell you that they most certainly do not. I'm sorry but they don't. You pretend that they do because that's what society expects you to believe, but in reality, there is nothing more joyful and rewarding in a relationship than being with someone just like you. Of whom you have heaps and heaps in common with and you can understand everything about each other to a tee because you're so completely on the same wave length and never wavering. Trying to understand someone who talks and acts and feels as though they're from a different planet just adds more work to falsely fake caring about them because ultimately you'll never truly get them and nor will you wish to, it'll just be an expectation that you feel is compulsory for your relationship to survive.

I don't think you are particularly aware of what love is... I'm not sure I am either, not completely, but the love I feel for certain people and places and things feels certain to me. You just seemed an experiment. I never believed a kind word I had to say to you, I just felt the need to say it regardless of what my head and heart were both telling me.

That's when you know someone is really not for you. When it's not just in your heart which tells you it's not worth it, but in your head too!; when your two normally contradictory consciences actually agree! That's when you know something for certain. And I am certain that I will never ever, nor did I, nor do I love you or care about you or wish to see you or speak to you or talk about you ever again. This is my closure, you are completely emotionally cut off from now on because I say so and I want to delete you in my mind so I can replace you with truly wonderful, glorious things which I honestly love.

It wasn't particularly nice knowing you, I hope to forget the memories.
Yours impossibly, Rachel.
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