deep realisation

I'm starting to come to a realisation of who or moreso what I am. And it's difficult to explain to people when they ask me what's wrong because it's not something that you can easily talk about, not that there's anything that is easy but you know, this seems even harder than usual.

I'll try typing it I suppose. And don't feel the need to read it, honestly, it's more of a theraputic thing to get the thoughts out onto something and I don't want any of it to come across in the wrong way etc so, you know. Here goes.

I think that there's a chance that I could possibly be ever so slightly a bit of a romantic asexual... I mean, I've never ever ever ever thought about stuff like this before because confronting questions surrounding your sexuality often hits a nerve.

When I think about it I realise that there's no one in the world who I find 'sexually' attractive. I find people aesthetically attractive and I platonically love people (whom of which don't know me) but sex doesn't appeal to me at all. I just don't ever see someone in that light, I see a picture of Benedict or Thom and I think about how beautiful they are yes, but I think of how much I'd love just to be with them more than anything else. And even in relationships I just never find myself being sexually attracted, the whole concept of sex and everything else that goes with it just does nothing for me.

I guess the cycle is: See a flawless picture of Sherlock > Imagine how perfect life would be if I were just to be in their presence > Fantasise of living happily ever after together, forever.

I don't think sexual thoughts or things. It just does nothing for me and moreover makes me cringe.

Who knows. It's probably just one of those "phases" that every human being must go through at some point of his or hers life. Ah well. I'm pretty confident in my conclusions... but who knows... maybe just give it time and see?