Wash the filth away

I feel so empty. As though any emotion or energy has just been surgically removed from me.

I hate these polar opposite mood swings I have. They're so exhausting and I can't control them at all.

For the last week or two I've been quite happy, not spiralling into my usual Jim Morrison quest for destruction or anything.

But then comes that relapse where all of a sudden everything goes into retrospective. It's like a light that switches, suddenly it's like a dementor has just swept past, taking hope and happiness with it. It's the most horrible thing in the world. As though any happy thoughts or optimism I'd had in the run up have been made completely redundant and aren't valid anymore.

I don't know how to drag myself out of it, and each time I descent into deep depression it just gets deeper and deeper. I fear that there's only one outcome

And excuse me as I just move my record player so it's against next doors wall so the sound of Pink Floyd blocks out emifuckingem.

I don't want to be here anymore. I want Radiohead to adopt me and take me to live with them in Oxford and we can drink from teacups and walk on rocky beaches and spend relentless hours synthesising and just being Radiohead.
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