I'd appreciate it if someone could answer me, honestly

How can you stop thinking?
Is there anyway I can inject a numbing agent into my brain which will cease the over worked cogs?

I don't even know anymore.

It's actually painful, is that normal? Like when I start thinking it literally makes me squint really badly because it hurts so much.

I just want it to stop.

And nothing can block it out for more than a minute or so. It often feels like my head is on fire, like now.. and as a result I start uncontrollably shaking like a leaf. Ouch, please, I beg someone to make all of these things in my head go away.

It's only getting worse. I've always felt like I perhaps over think and pyscho-analyse, but the pressure has been building immensely in the last few weeks (in particular) and it's at that point now where I literally feel like one more drop of insignificant junk in my mind is just going to tip it over the edge - great timing exams.

I really don't think I can do them, you know. I really don't think I can do anything anymore. I'm OK in the confinement of my room because it's just the world of thOmblr and Radiohead and more thOm and isolation. But I mean what happens as soon as I have to leave my cocoon of internet friendships and lusting over 42 year old men? I fall apart. I go out, lacking the ability I've strived for so long to have to actually be able to show my feelings. And because I'm more aware of this now, I come home feeling ashamed over the crime that under my own laws, feels guilt worthy.
Because of this bubble I have created for myself I have forgotten the social niceties. I don't know how to talk in sane form so I delve into insanity and ramble and make a fool out of myself to misrepresent what is actually going on because the truth is just too incomprehensible, too massive to grasp. Even for me.

It's so scary to contemplate whether you're mental state is 'ill'. Especially when you start weighing up and reflecting on things which could comply with it. The most recent one is something which I thought unlikely, but I can't argue that it hasn't happened. Delusions/hallucinations; a psychotic symptom which I hadn't even considered applying to me. But I do hear things, well voices and a constant buzzing in my ear and I unquestionably see things that probably aren't there. But I just thought I had an over active imagination, does it necessarily mean I have to start having assessments?

I am unavoidably depressed, that goes without saying. I mean from the lack of self care and hygiene to the low energy and lack of interest over anything that once would of interested me. It's all there. But it feels like that's only half of the story.. OK, I'm covering old ground so I'll be quiet now, shall I.

Let Sigur Ros do all the talking.
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