Fog

Mood flip

I really want to move away from home, I actually cannot fully describe how much the hate grows toward my dad as the days go on. It frustrates me when people tell me how he loves me so much and that he's so nice and caring etc. I know it's true and I don't ever doubt his generosity or strong love for me and my sister. It's just the person he is aside from that. I know it's better to find one fault in yourself than a million in others but you don't understand how much of an annoyance my dad is. He literally makes me want to puke every time he tries to 'talk' to me. He's so misunderstanding and has such a bad anxiety disorder as well as a serious complex on how others think of him, it's unbelievable.
The other day when we had another run-in and he repeated his mistakes, he just moved on from it completely. After everything that had been said (some of it quite worrying I would imagine) and the way we'd both acted, he just ignores it and carries on like nothing happened. Every time he tries to be kind to me I want to punch him in the face because I know full well that he's ignoring how I am and choosing to put a face on. He probably thinks we got over it, and that we're moving on from it all. But for me it's like every time there's a confrontation, that with the aftermath just pushes us further apart. It's like we're on two completely different levels and anything I say to him is a waste of breath because he NEVER gets it or learns from anything. Sort of like putting petrol into a diesel car.

And now it just seems like I'm a stropy teenager who's lashing out at her parent because of generation gaps and what not. I don't disagree that this is true, but it's a little bit deeper than that. Seven years deeper in fact.. It's not just the annoying things he says, it's psychological stuff too, stuff which needs to be talked out with someone who can break it down properly, certainly not my dad then.

~biology exam tomorrow.
I'm not THAT nervous, but I'd like to do well enough to make sure I get my B. If I'm a steady B at the moment and this last exam is 25% of the overall grade, how well will I have to do to still maintain that B, I wonder..

Even though I'm not particularly tired, I still think I'm going to try and get some shut eye; I have an entire unit of biology to get through before 1pm tomorrow.. AHH!
Sent using BlackBerry® from Orange